The Frustrating Discussion Dialogue: No Wonder My 2E Child Feels Misunderstood!

The Frustrating Discussion Dialogue:  
No Wonder My 2E Child Feels Misunderstood

Every time I have to give details or a more involved explanation on my 2e son's special needs and giftedness, I cringe.  I sigh.  I tailspin.  

My 2e son is twelve and I've been having this same frustrating discussion dialogue for a long time.  Too long really.  

It should be easy and simple for me now, but it is not.  We've just moved (again).   I have to register my son with a new GP.  I am dreading it.  I have to go through the laundry list again and get the glazed doughnut eyes and the blank stares again.  Every time it's the same song and dance.

The frustrating discussion dialogue usually goes like this:  

"Yes, my son was diagnosed with x, y, and z."   "


Yes, he was diagnosed at birth with __ and then at 3 years old a developmental pediatrician diagnosed him with __ ."


"Yes, my son had IQ testing, at age 6."


"Oh, yes, they diagnosed him with ADHD and PDD."



"Well, yes, he has some of the ADHD and PDD traits and behaviours but we sought a second opinion and then a third on those diagnoses and on the giftedness.  Yes, __ ruled out ADHD and __ ruled out PDD."

"No, my son doesn't actually have ADHD and isn't on the spectrum.  Yes, he does have some of the traits and behaviors.  Yes, we looked into medication for the ADHD, but my son doesn't have ADHD and so we sought alternative treatments and solutions for the ADHD behaviour and traits.  Yes, he isn't on any medication now."


"Yes, my son attended school., but we withdrew him from school at 6.5 years old and have been homeschooling/home educating him since then."



"Yes we homeschool/ home educate.  Yes, it's a lot of work."


"Yes my son meets up with other (homeschool) kids regularly:   On Monday, we do __.   On Tuesday, we might go __....."

For years and years and years, I have had the same frustrating discussion dialogue with various pediatricians, GPs, and other professionals.

For the record, from birth to twelve, there has never been a discussion with a pediatrician or GP about my son's giftedness or how the ADHD and PDD traits may be related to my son's giftedness.  There has never been a discussion about the overexcitabilities or the asynchronous development associated with son's giftedness.


Except for the occupational therapists and eye doctors (three behavioral optometrists and three ophthalmologists between NYC and MA - which is another frustrating dialogue!), there has never been a discussion about the severe sensory processing disorder, the central auditory processing disorder, or the visual processing disorder which my son has.


Except for the first few years, there has never been a discussion about my son's hypotonia (low muscle tone), dyspraxia (motor planning), or other special needs that he has.


There has never been a discussion with a pediatrician or GP about how just being around other kids of the same chronological age may not be enough for my son.


There has never been a discussion about how my son may need to find a mentor or may need to be in certain settings to get his social/emotional needs met.  



There has never been a discussion on the raging mind, the insatiable curiosity, the relentless creativity, and drive to not conform or be compliant with authority.

Is it any wonder that my son frequently feels misunderstood?

This is part of the Gifted Homeschooling Forum's blog hop: The Invisible Gifted Child: Mislabeled, Misdiagnosed, Unidentified, and Misunderstood.  For more on GHF's blog hops from around the world, see:  http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blogs/.  For more of GHF's blog hop topics, see: http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blogs/blog-hop/.

NOTE:
I am an unpaid blogger (ie. just a homeschooling/ home educating parent) who uses Blogger but doesn't add, embed, or employ any additional cookies, third party features or anything else!

Please, Not a Meltdown in the Middle of Costco!: Living With a 2e Child

Please,  Not a Meltdown in the Middle of Costco: Living With a 2e Child

http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blog-hops/gifted-and-twice-exceptional-revisiting-2e-issues/

When your 11-year-old 2e son has a (sensory) meltdown in the middle of Costco, it is awful. Instantly, it feels like everyone is staring at you and making judgments:  about you, your child, your child's behavior and perceived lack of discipline, and your parenting skills.  Worse, your child feels like a failure for having the meltdown and you feel like a failure for not averting the meltdown.  It's not exactly a bowl of cherries.


Then, the questions and self-doubts start flooding in:  How can I have a child who is so intense, so extreme and yet so bright, and so sensitive, loving and caring?  What am I doing wrong here?

My 2e son did not deliberately have a sensory meltdown in the middle of Costco without a reason. He is under a lot of stress lately.  Unintentionally, his world has been flipped over many times within the last year and half since moving to the UK, including moving last summer within the UK.


To be sure, my 2e son already feels like a freak: 1) for being born with special needs, including a sensory process disorder; 2) for having 'gifts' when they feel unearned and undeserved; and 3) for being homeschooled (or home educated as they say here).  He is 'different'.


To exacerbate the situation (which is partly the reason for the meltdown), we are literally in the middle of buying a house and about to move yet again.  IF my son had had the sensory meltdown in the real estate agent's office, I might well have joined him.

Buying a house and moving are stressful enough as they are.  However, if you have a 2e child who has sensory processing disorder, is on the autism spectrum or has autistic traits, then the dislocations with moving and sense or orientation can be even more confounding.

Sensory processing disorder and giftedness often go hand and hand.  There's an emotional component with giftedness that often gets forgotten.

Some may think that giftedness would or should preclude sensory meltdowns but this is not the case. Everyone processes sensory input differently from sensory seeking to sensory avoiding and everything in between.


Moving to a new house, town, or country is an emotional experience.  Even adults have difficulties with moving and adjusting to their new surroundings.  For a 2e child it can be much more intensified. While my brain might have transitioned to picking up the frozen blueberries and finishing the food shopping at Costco, my's son was stuck, so to speak, on the house viewings, another move, the dislocations that would ensue, and the lack of having much control over the situation.


My 2e son is an intense person who feels and experiences life fully.  I do truly love him, more than anything in this world.  I do not want him to feel like a freak or a subject of scorn or ridicule.


I want my son to have faith in himself.  I want to reassure him -- that although it may not be socially accepted to have a meltdown in the middle of Costco and that there are more appropriate ways to express his feelings and thoughts -- that he's still a child and is learning.  That it's ok to be 'different'.

This is part of the Gifted Homeschooling Forum's blog hop: Gifted and Twice Exceptional: Revisiting 2E Issues.  For more on GHF's blog hops from around the world, see:  http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blogs/.  For more of GHF's blog hop topics, see: http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blogs/blog-hop/.

NOTE:
I am an unpaid blogger (ie. just a homeschooling parent) who uses Blogger but doesn't add, embed, or employ any additional cookies, third party features or anything else!

NOTE p.s.:  I do not work for Costco, nor have I received any money from them other than as a Costco member who shops there!

Encouraging words from top scientists on homeschooling when the chips are down

Encouraging words from top scientists on homeschooling when the chips are down

The really big science questions need problem solvers. They need kids who are curious and who question, and particularly question authority including your authority as a parent. Granted, these kids are not the easiest kids to parent (i.e. they often question your authority as a parent!) and at times homeschooling them can feel like a drag.  But these kids are often gifted/2e and being home educated because: 1) they are gifted and may have special needs, 2) are not followers or necessarily compliant with a teacher or a school.

I'll be frank and honest here.  For those of us who are the liberal, latte sipping type and/or who believe in science, evolution, and the big bang, the stakes never seemed higher.  The recent political upheavals with Brexit in the UK and then with the US presidential elections can make things seem rather grim.  The state of education and the direction things are going in terms of education is disconcerting.  One has only to read the headlines on Common Dreams or other news outlets to get a sense of the alarm and despair within the scientific community and for the state of education.  And it doesn't take many negatively slanted stories on homeschooling (ie. the Feb 2nd Mirror article on the mother who lets her children play video games all day) to make an A type personality parent question or doubt their abilities to home educate and provide an education for their gifted/2e child/ren.

1. Children are full of questions
2. Sadly, by fifth grade, many children curtail their questioning
3. Schools tend to foster submission to authority and not support endless questioning

As the above images sum up so beautifully, children are full of questions!  Generally speaking, schools tend not to foster children who question ad nauseum.  And yet, if we want a generation of scientists and people to solve the really big science questions and those facing the world today, we need children to be curious and ask lots of questions!

From time to time, I foster this questioning and ignite my son's passions by taking my 2e 11-year-old to science lectures, events, and activities that are free to attend and open to the public.  I am not the only homeschooling parent to do so.  The Washington Post recently reported on Romanieo Golphin Sr. who took his 7-year-old to CERN and university lectures, but there are countless home educators who do so as well.

Last Saturday, I took my son to Oxford University's annual Stargazing event, which was free and open to the public.  I spoke to some scientists there.  One conversation was particularly striking and worth retelling.

Here is what a scientist confided to me:

1) "Homeschooling is becoming more and more the best means to obtain a proper education in science; in some instances it is the only means; and

2) No one has an excuse in not obtaining quality education in science today with the amount of MOOCs" (edX, Coursera, Future Learn, World Science U, Isaac Physics and MIT OpenCourseWare to name a few) -- which are freely available online.

These are encouraging words from a top scientist on homeschooling when the chips are down!  Take heart.  This was not the sole occasion that I heard these points made about obtaining a quality education in science with homeschooling today.  Far from it.  Similar words have been uttered elsewhere in the UK and in the US.

Every time you feel a bit deflated, reach out to a wider community (whatever that may be). Follow your gifted/2e child's passions.  Ask questions.  Listen.  Take heart.  Reassure any nagging doubts on home educating.  Press your control-alt-delete to rekindle the flames and restore your faith in educating your gifted/2e child/ren.

This is part of the Gifted Homeschooling Forum's blog hop: When homeschooling your gifted child becomes a drag: my best tips.  For more on GHF's blog hops from around the world, see:  http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blogs/.  For more of GHF's blog hop topics, see: http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blogs/blog-hop/.

NOTE:
I am an unpaid blogger (ie. just a homeschooling parent) who uses Blogger but doesn't add, embed, or employ any additional cookies, third party features or anything else!

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